Building Deeper Intimacy with Eye-Gazing

Eye-gazing is a profound practice. And while it seems simple, for many it's actually quite hard.

Let's consider why.

It's said we see each other's souls through our eyes. In the society we live in we are conditioned to feel unworthy and not good enough unless we check off an arbitrary set of boxes determined by an outer authority. Thanks to the Catholic church we have been conditioned for 2000 years to think our most natural desires are sinful. As it is our most primal, most basic instinct to procreate and share love, it is literally coded into our very being.

Furthermore, one of our deepest desires as humans is to belong and feel accepted.

If we have been told that the core part of us is bad or wrong, naturally it may feel uncomfortable for someone to look inside there.

However, in a safe space, the practice of allowing others to witness us in our emotional vulnerability and spiritual “nakedness” creates an incredible level of intimacy.

How to start:

If the idea of staring into someones eyes for longer than 1 second causes heart palpitations, begin by eye-gazing with yourself in a mirror.

• Gaze directly into your own eyes and repeat at least 10 times: “I love you.”

Once you start to feel a bit more comfortable holding your gaze on yourself, move on to your partner (friend, family, stranger, etc.)

• Begin by having a conversation to share whatever feelings are present.
  Are you willing to share your vulnerable truth about what's coming up?

• You can also take turns sharing your intentions for the practice.
  What do you wish to get out of it?

• Or, you can simply start gazing.

You may smile or giggle, feel silly, nervous or a number of other reactions. Stay with it. Observe the sensations that are running through your body.

Breathe into your heart and exhale to send that energy in their direction.
Inhale to receive their love.

*It can be helpful to set a timer so you’re not in your head wondering when a good time is to end, and just be here now with your partner.

• When you are complete, have a conversation about what that was like for you and what came up.

• You can also stay in silence and embrace.

• Or, perhaps you want to move into physical intimacy and love-making.

  • Eye-gazing naturally causes a physical response of arousal in the body (assuming it's someone you could be attracted to), so in addition to the emotional and spiritual benefits, it's a turn on ;)

Eye-gazing is a wonderful way to connect deeper with someone. It’s also a great way to find out if this is someone who is willing to be uncomfortable and meet you in those challenging moments. Even the most blissful partnerships go through rocky times. This is the perfect way to practice being there and moving through it together.

Enjoy!