Conscious Union Starts Within

2 years ago today I arrived home from a 3 1/2 month journey in Costa Rica which was anything but easy.

Social media portrayed that I was living the life! I was with my beloved, in a gorgeous environment that my body thrives in. I was creating content for and running a program with 16 women. And...I was newly engaged! Yes, a couple weeks in Chris unexpectedly (for both of us) had asked me to marry him during an open mic night freestyle rap that he was dedicating to me.

Do you want to know what popped into my head almost immediately after he asked me?

"Did he really mean to do that? If he didn't plan it, is he going to realise it was a mistake and change his mind? Can I trust his love?"

And so, for the next 3 months we experienced the trials & tribulations needed to tease all of our wounding (maybe mostly mine) to the surface, in order to be seen, loved, and thus healed.

Something I had written in my journal during that time was: 'Why do I keep doubting this relationship? .... Because it threatens my ego.' In another entry I wrote: 'I pray for my heart to open. To SEE this man in front of me. To see myself with the love I need, to be able to see him.'

You see, it's never JUST the other person. People only play roles in our life, to help us see ourselves more clearly. But if we make it about them - they did something wrong, they’re the cause, etc…then we get caught up in the distraction and miss the real message we’re being inviting to consider.

That doesn’t mean there should be no repercussions if someone treats you poorly, and to simply endure it because it’s “your own stuff”. No no no. When someone is treating you poorly you get to say “Why am I allowing this? What do I feel about myself? What have I learned from my childhood about how I deserve to be treated?” And then you get to express to them how their actions are impacting you. After assessing their reactions and ability to acknowledge you, you can either walk the f*ck away, or (IF they are willing to do the work with you) create a new relationship based on trust, respect, and self responsibility, and heal - together.

So yes, we made it though the initiation that was Costa Rica 2021. And while 2022 was an even deeper dive…we stayed in the space of love every step of the way. Listening to each other as well as ourselves. Learning about each other as well as ourselves. And discovering a love that runs deeper than either of us have ever known (yes - for each other as well as ourselves!)

The key to all of this, truly, is self love.

Loving yourself.

Remembering how worthy you are of love, being loved, and sharing your love. Without it, co-dependency creeps in, unhealthy dynamics, and forgetting who we are. You must love yourself first before truly loving another without needing something in return.

This is my path: Supporting women to find this level of love for themselves. As this is what I feel will save the world.

Self-love and, of course, sisterhood xox