This ONE thought will squash self love: Do these 3 things instead
The women I’ve worked with over the years all have a deep awareness of self, they’re committed to personal growth, and have powerful tools to get there. They’re motivated, have beautiful hearts and want to make a difference in the world. I've noticed, however, an ever present pattern: they continue to question themselves and their intuition; they still feel like they don’t know enough, aren’t fully comfortable expressing their truth, and that their dreams are “over there”, just around the corner and slightly out of reach.
What I’ve found is that they’re all saying the same thing that keeps them from fully standing in their power.
So today I want to share about it in the hopes that a discussion can shed some light on where it may be happening in your life and what to do about it.
The most crippling statements that keep you from truly claiming perfection and living in paradise in THIS moment are:
“I just need to stop…[insert behavior]”
“I just need to get rid of…[insert behavior]”
As in:
I just need to stop worrying.
I just need to get rid of this doubt.
I just need to stop questioning myself.
I just need to get rid of this people pleasing.
I just need to get rid of this self sabotage.
THEN I"LL BE ABLE TO...[insert your desire]
Sister, these are the number one statements that drive out self love and keep you from the growth and manifestation you desire, claiming your perfection and living in a paradise in THIS moment.
When you say this it immediately creates a rejection energy. You are denying the perfection of who and how you are in this moment, and your body gets the message “You are not ok as you are.”
Any kind of resistance to some-thing will cause the thing to get stronger. If you say you need to stop doing something you will start to do it more. If you say you need to change something about yourself, that thing will get more pervasive.
And these are the 3 things that will turn it around:
Accept and Allow
Practice Benevolence
Follow Your Pleasure
Over the next few days I invite you to notice when you say any phrase that sounds like, “I just need to stop...or get rid of...
That’s it! Just pause and notice. Observe. Be curious.
Then, think do one of these three practices I’m about to share.
1. Accept and Allow
The antidote to rejection and resistance is acceptance and allowance. I love the image of a water dam. The blockage causes water to build up, getting stronger and stronger. When the dam is unblocked and the water is able to flow freely, there’s no more stagnation and the way gets cleared.
It’s the same for your life. When you try to stop something, or reject it and push it away, the energy has nowhere to go and it just gets stronger. When you practice accepting and allowing, energy moves naturally. And do you know what your natural state is? Health and abundance. Life wants you to thrive. If you can just get out of your own way.
The Practice:
Notice anytime you feel challenged or want something.
Close your eyes and take deep breaths into your belly and lungs.
Repeat these mantras:
I love myself exactly as I am.
I allow myself to be exactly as I am.
I AM in divine acceptance of myself and my experience.
Use the following mantras as they feel relative to your experience
I allow this moment to be exactly as it is.
I trust in the perfection of this moment.
I have faith in divine timing.
I am open to the lessons of this experience.
2. Practice benevolence
Benevolence is kindness in action. It softens and soothes without trying to change or affect anything. It simply is. This is why it works. It’s such a beautiful opposite to resistance, while not actually being the opposite of it. Benevolence is a mix of allowing, acceptance, and divine love all wrapped into one. It doesn’t try to change anyone or anything. It loves and offers kindness to all, simply because.
When you practice benevolence with yourself resistance melts away and you have access to the free flow of love that is always present within and around you. It is both the desire to be kind to yourself, as well as the ability to do it and then the action of it. Like sunshine melting ice, benevolence warms your whole being, helping you to accept yourself, and also love yourself there.
The Practice:
Part 1 ~ Take out your journal and write about these inquiries:
How can you be kinder to yourself?
How can you be kinder to those closest to you?
How can you be kinder toward life?
Part 2 ~ Look in the mirror at yourself. Take a few minutes to gaze into your eyes, until your face and everything around your eyes becomes blurred.
Speak these mantras out loud:
I love myself
I forgive myself
I see myself with kindness
I treat myself kindly with my actions.
~ Repeat 20 times
3. Follow your pleasure
Anytime you are out of your pleasure, you are out of your natural state. Now of course, there are going to be times of growth that feel uncomfortable, and moments when you go through waves of heavy emotions. But can you find comfort and joy there? Can you recognize your sadness and say “I feel so low right now. I’m going through something big. I know there’s beauty in this. I embrace this sadness and I’m going to take care of myself while this energy flows” ? In this way, you are still following your pleasure, which is to love yourself as you are. When you stifle the emotion, numb it or try to change it, you are creating resistance and that’s not what your body naturally wants to do.
Another example is in making decisions or if someone asks something of you. How often do you consider the other person before your own desires? How often are you swayed, even slightly, by someone else’s wishes (or even what you assume they want)?
Far too often I hear women saying, “Oh I don’t mind, it’s not a big deal.” Or, “Whatever works for you, I’m easy.” Well, it IS a big deal, and you don’t need to be so easy. A lot of the time it doesn’t seem like a big deal because you’ve convinced yourself otherwise. And there’s this belief going around that easy going is preferable. But all that does is train you to deny your pleasure when faced with decisions.
The Practice:
Anytime you say things like, “If I could just stop doing [limiting pattern], then…” think about the thing you want to stop, and consider what you DO want instead. Reframe the statement into something you WANT to do. Only speak in the affirmative!
Take the practice further:
The next time you are making a decision, ask yourself this question:
If there was no one else involved, what would I choose?
Before you say yes or no to someone, as yourself:
What do I truly want right now?
What is really the most pleasurable thing for me?
You can use these questions anytime you feel unsure of what to do, or feel a slight pull of discomfort or unsettledness.
Allow yourself to simple BE, exactly as you are.
See yourself through the eyes of kindness, accepting yourself fully.
Follow your pleasure, and live your life for YOU.
Because sister, the world needs leaders right now. Women who aren’t afraid to use their voice and shine their light. Women who believe in themselves. Women who are showing us how powerful and intelligent it is to embody their divine feminine nature.
I hope this was supportive. These teachings and practices have been pivotal for my own journey.