Our "Conscious" Love Story
Last week Chris and I celebrated 4 years together. Yes, we consider the night we met day 1.
Months before we met I'd received a clear message from spirit that I would meet my partner in November. I was ready.
In fact, at that point I had been practicing a conscious celibacy for 1 1/2 years to clear any residue of past partners, knowing this one to come would be the man I'd start a family with.
Yes, I was ready.
And yet, as soon as I sat across from him that night, after my womb had very clearly said "it's him", my mind began to back peddle. "No no no, not yet, I'm not ready, I just need a liiiiittle bit more time."
I heard these thoughts and said to myself, "Huh, isn't that interesting? As soon as what I want comes to me I immediately push it away."
Indeed, right from the beginning he was a mirror for me to see the hidden programs and beliefs in my mind.
He continued to be this, and I for him, frustratingly reflecting the things we weren't seeing about ourselves. It was challenging. For both of us.
And yet we each knew that it wasn't the other person that was the "problem". We knew that if we dipped out and found someone else the same patterns would pop up. They were triggers within us that needed to be looked at and healed. And considering the work we both do, we wanted to know and live the truth of who we were. Not to numb what felt uncomfortable and live an unconscious life of illusions.
And so we persevered.
Through thick and thin, we've continued to come back together and sift through the fears that arose.
Through explosive, blow out fights that I'm sure the neighbors could hear, we always came back together to look at what got triggered and why.
Through every "we can't keep doing this!!!!" we were able to make the shifts (even if small at first) so that we could heal the wounds that kept us stuck in the pattern.
We always stayed true to what we needed and was best for ourselves, while still having compassion for the other.
I'm amazed at how much we've both changed in 4 years. I honestly feel like a totally different person. I'm so grateful we've been able to grow together. And at this point, I believe we can work and grow through anything.
Thank you for sticking by me. Through the sweet times, and through the incredibly frustrating times.
I love you so much. You are what I am consistently grateful for in my life. I feel so blessed to walk beside you, and to do this journey together.
May you always feel me by your side, and know that I am rooting for you. Even when I'm annoyed.
I see you, I believe in you, I trust you, and I am devoted to you, to us, to truth.
This quote touched me, and felt like a good way to complete:
"As much as we love a romantic first encounter, I think the romance is in whether or not the two of you can go the distance.
Loving somebody is the hardest most beautiful thing you’ll ever do. I’d argue it’s harder than launching rockets into space. Elon Musk has been three times divorced, twice from the same woman.
If you find somebody that’s worth doing life with, make a try at it –– make a real good try at it –– even when they make you so mad you seriously consider living out the rest of your days as a celibate monk, somewhere on a mountaintop." ~ Cole Schafer